Let’s Give This Self-Denial Thing a Try

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Call me crazy, ladies, but I’m trying to swear off chocolate for a while.

This isn’t for waistline reasons, per se. I do all I can to eat healthy, more for the sake of taking care of myself in the long run than for any other reason. I run and eat a lot of salad, not for the goal of losing weight but for the goal of not gaining any. I haven’t stepped on a scale in weeks—I figure that perhaps blissful ignorance is the best course of action in my case.

At any rate, I’m hoping to avoid chocolate for a week or so. First off, I feel healthier when I don’t eat sweets, and healthy is a happy feeling for me. Second—my forehead has exploded into a warzone of painful-looking blemishes. Saying “blemish” is glossing over the grotesque reality of the volcanoes rearing their ugly heads in the space between my eyebrows and my hairline. The cause? Frankly, too much candy. All that refined sugar and whatever-it-is that makes up the deliciousness of candy is manifesting itself as a mini mountain-range across my organ of benevolence.

Candy is terribly hard to avoid, though. Starting in October, the chances of being confronted with or given gallons of chocolate increase and increase from month to month until June, when we all wake up and realize that it’s summer and our swimsuits look awful on us.

Think about it. In October there’s Halloween, and everyone’s handing out junk chocolate wrapped in orange and black foil. In November, there’s an influx of sweets, if not straight chocolate, thanks to Thanksgiving and the inevitable pumpkin pies. In December, it’s Christmas time (incidentally–Christmas is 9 months away; have you finished your shopping?), and chocolate, wrapped in festive reds and greens, is sitting out in attractive dishes on coffee tables.

In January there is a brief reprieve, thanks to the New Year’s Resolutions and Resolutioners, but there’s still leftover candy from the previous three months to contend with.

But then comes February. We all know what happens in February.

This year, Easter falls in March. For whatever reason, the celebration of Christ’s resurrection is now associated with chocolate bunnies and baby chickens fashioned from marshmallows. I don’t get that. But it means more candy.

I like chocolate. I really do. But whatever it is that’s growing on my forehead is one more oily day away from becoming sentient and starting to talk.

Therefore, I am determined to avoid chocolate—not forever. Just for a little while. Every time I’m tempted, I’ll reach for an apple or something instead.

I have a feeling I’ll be eating a lot of apples.

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6 responses »

  1. Hehe! You never fail to make me laugh! I applaud you for trying to eat healthy. It is not an easy thing to do in this crazy world of syllabi. Recently, I’ve been telling my stomach it likes fruit more than ice cream…. it’s a work in progress. Good luck, and enjoy those apples.

  2. Ok, first of all, that was amazingly well-written and enjoyable to read.
    Secondly, it is so true…I always forget about Easter candy, though, but you’re completely right that candy doesn’t stop until June…
    Finally, I felt a zap of kinship followed by a bolt of awesome when you noted that Christmas is in 9 months…that’s what I’ve been telling people all day! 😀

  3. The Dadster Ripostes:

    I keep a very large jar of assorted chocolates in my office. I am the only male in an office of nearly one dozen females. One of them recently told me, “You’re smart. You work with a bunch of women, and you provide chocolate!”

    One should always choose one’s battles! 🙂

    As for me, I choose coffee, water–and protein of some sort.

    Fish? Check. Beef? Oh, yeah. Pork (the other white meat)? Uh-huh.

    But the chocolate I leave for the females in the office. And do they scarf it down in unbelievable volumes? Yep.

    I think that God, when He created woman, placed a chocolate-sized hole in her nature.

    Really.

    And I think it’s cute. You and Mumsie always make me smile when a new box of chocolates pops up. You act like two little kitties with a fresh leaf of catnip.

    But–you are right. Too much of a good thing is, sadly, too much.

    Even the Dadster gets jittery after a couple of dozen cups of good coffee! 😉

    So, my dear–break out the Granny Smiths and Macintoshes! Enjoy the kale and cabbage.

    And for a few weeks, adjure the pleasures of the Cocoa bean.

    But remember: Vacation, and that delicious bakery in the mountains, both beckon. Four-layer chocolate dissolution is in the offing.

    Beam me up, Scotty!

    Love,

    The Dadster

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