Surreal

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Friday nights are beautiful, beautiful things.

Rarely in my college experience have I been allowed to relax on a Friday night. For the past three years, Friday nights meant I was in rehearsal. Always. Rehearsals for plays, usually, but occasionally I’d be in rehearsal for orchestra (back when I was still in orchestra). Once upon a time, when I was a wee, inexperienced freshman, I spent hours with a friend with whom I no longer spend any time, back before I really launched myself into the theater world at UU.

Those two particular hobbies are behind me. Well, theater will be back before I know it, but you can’t exactly audition for friendships, especially friendships best left behind.

Auditions are tomorrow. Yes, the general auditions for this semester’s campus productions. I’ve gone to every one of those since I was still 18. But tomorrow, I won’t be going.

First, none of the productions sound like anything I could put my heart and soul into. They are for other actresses to conquer, and I’m willing to let those actresses have at it.

Second, I’m in a very challenging science class and three very challenging English classes. I’d like to relish these classes, especially since one of them is taught by my mother (I know, Mum, I wrote that in passive voice, but I thought it seemed appropriate).

Third, I’ll say it again: I don’t think any production could top the experience I had in Little Women.

Fourth, I’m tired. Just tired. Tired of a lot of things. I love theater, and I love acting, but not right now. Maybe again someday–theater is something you never escape, after all–but not right now.

So here I am, on a Friday night, sitting alone in my dorm room, accompanied only by the sounds of the icy wind in the trees outside and the rattling of my tiny keyboard.

I’m not sure what to feel.

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