Vacant

Standard

I keep wondering what’s different about this semester.

No, it’s not that I’m no longer in undergrad. I got used to that a long time ago. And it’s not the apartment, although that’s very different. And it’s not the part-time job, either. I’m more used to that then I am to my classes.

Every night, when I sit down at the end of a long day of classes and work, with several house stretching before me to midnight, I pull out my books and start reading and taking notes, and occasionally I pause to contemplate the change, unable to put my finger on it.

Today, I realized what it was.

It was the fact I/m not going to rehearsals. I didn’t even audition for anything this year. I knew that I’d be adjusting to grad school and I didn’t want to dedicate myself to something that would keep me from fulfilling other responsibilities. In undergrad, plays were easier to juggle because I wasn’t working 28 hours a week.

This is the first semester in forever when I haven’t actively tried out for a play. I”m not even in a speech class. Zip. Nada.

It’s a weird feeling. Admittedly it’s nice to, you know, do homework and things at a less-than breakneck pace and to be able to take time for yoga and running and regular meals.

But…no performances for me. No stage. No long nights. No script. No memorization. No blocking.

No….late…..nights….

Maybe I’m sad. Maybe I’m okay with this.

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