I discovered something as I walked to lunch today.
I did not feel tired. At least, not in the sense that I was tired in undergrad.
Let me elaborate: I am always a little tired. I yawn more than I smile sometimes. I have lost a lot of the vivacious, bubbly energy I had my freshman year. I used to be unquenchable, and now I am quite easily quenched.
However, undergrad tired was an aggressive kind of tired.
Undergrad tired burned the backs of my eyes. Undergrad tired made my bones ache and my sleep restless. Undergrad tired left my mind feeling like a pile of ashes. Undergrad tired meant I was always bone weary.
Grad school tired is different. Somehow I’ve learned to keep a steady bed of embers burning that fuels my energy levels consistently. No highs or lows, burns or crashes. I’m more careful about what i eat and how much sleep I get. I have the time to do that more than I did in undergrad.
I’m still tired at the end of the day, but not so tired I was ready for a month-long coma. I’m tired enough to sleep and to know I need to sleep. I don’t sleep long, but I sleep enough.
Not sure how this happened.
But it has.