Peace and Quiet

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My mind is never silent.

The only time in recent memory when I knew my mind was almost completely quiet was when my Adventure Buddy asked me to marry him. After I said “yes” (or actually, “uh-huh” followed by excited blubbering), the only thought in my mind was “I love you.” All other thoughts fled away and left that one, shining and splendid, in my mind’s center, reflecting dazzling light against the blank walls.

But other than that, I’m always thinking.

In the middle of deep conversations. In the middle of class. While I go to sleep. While I’m working at the library. At all times, in all seasons, with all people, my mind never shuts up and maintains a single focus. And it never will.

This is why I’m not half as productive as I could be. You’d think that I’d be able to channel that intellectual spasticness into creating and creating and creating, but really all it means is that my mind wants to dwell on items that do not pertain to the task at hand. And I can’t get it to stop.

I wish for silence in my mind. Just long enough to really get something done.

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